If you can write, then you can be a writer. Why this is anything but true?

Truth. What is it? Is it in the eyes of the beholder? Is it nonnegotiable? Does it have relevance? All significant questions when attempting to understand who you are as a writer. However, some might see these questions and take them to their literal meaning. Which can lead to a significant loss of self-esteem. Is it necessarily a positive thing to be so open and honest about your goals? Yes, it is if you want to reach said goals.

This was my dilemma in early 2015 when, after several months of my book stagnating at an insanely inferior position on Amazon.com sales list, I moved forward by not being consumed by bitter disappointment. I had made myself believe that as soon as my book hit the digital shelf, it would become the next bestseller. I had to work hard at getting out from under the shame of not achieving that goal.

Looking back now, it feels like so long ago and silly, but then I found myself near catatonic with writer’s block. It took all my will to put words to paper. I tell you all of this in service to the truth. Because if you find yourself in a similar situation, you must be truthful with yourself in order to overcome the feelings of self-doubt. Instead of the bad, you will need to focus on all the good that has brought you to this place. “Being able to focus, even though you are stressed, and get the job done gives you the knowledge that, no matter what happens, you can avoid internal musings and excuses. Doing what needs to be done, regardless of temporary setbacks, will make you proud of yourself. It also produces a secondary positive outcome, which is a greater ability to focus on the problem that caused the upset, because you won’t be thinking of what you haven’t gotten done.” (Goldsmith, 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence (100 Ways Series))

Back then, I used one book that helped me crawl out of the morass: 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence, by Barton Goldsmith, PhD. In his 2010 book, Mr. Goldsmith details many ways to recognize and overcome a lack of self-confidence. Each chapter building upon the last to ensure confidence necessary to achieve your goals. He discusses everything from how negativity kills confidence (Ch. 2) to just having a faithful pup curled at your feet while you work will boost your spirits and help maintain your focus (Ch. 98). As the title suggests, there are one hundred chapters to this book, though don’t let that ward you off. It is a quick read.

However, the first and the last chapters that have helped me the most. Both chapters offer a list that you can reference to help keep you on track and keep your spirits up. The first chapter lists of ten ways to get motivated for the day. Although, it is the list of ten in chapter one hundred that were, and still are, the most inspirational for me:

1.      Realize that self-confidence is easy to gain. But if you don’t have enough, it can make succeeding in life hard. All you need is desire and persistence.

2.      Do something for someone else. Helping others lets you know you are a good person and that you can use what you know positively.

3.      Knowing that you are a person of honor and integrity keeps you on a purposeful and positive path. Find the confidence within.

4.      Act “as if.” Acting as though life is already going your way allows you to physically and emotionally feel success.

5.      Find a mentor.

6.      Take care of yourself. Stay healthy, exercise, keep your energy high, and reward yourself appropriately for your achievements. It is for your psyche and your body. Get up and get moving.

7.      Experience. Having been there (and gotten the T-shirt) lets you know you can go there again and again. Even if it has been years, most things in life are like riding a bike.

8.      Keep a confidence journal. Just write five things you feel confident about on a daily basis.

9.      Build a support structure.

10.  Monitor your thinking. Think positive thoughts.

List from 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence. (Goldsmith, 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence (100 Ways Series))

With this list, I motivate and remind myself to ensure that, first-and-foremost I am a writer. Also, I aspire to be a writer of substance and acceptance. So, if you can write, you are a writer, if that is how you define yourself. No one can tell you otherwise, because it is only your opinion that counts.

 

[This is the end of part 2. Part 3 in the ongoing series will be available next week.]

Works Cited

Goldsmith, Barton. “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence (100 Ways Series).” Barton Goldsmith, PhD. 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence (100 Ways Series). Red Wheel Weiser, 2010. 18-19. Kindle Edition.

Goldsmith, Barton. “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence (100 Ways Series).” Goldsmith, Barton. 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence (100 Ways Series). Red Wheel Weiser, 2010. 217-219. Kindle Edition.

Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation. “One in Ten (Organization).”. 24 Apr. 2020 April 2020. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_in_Ten_(organization). 20 August 2023.

Womack, Ytasha. “Afrofuturism.” Womack, Ytasha. Afrofuturism. Chicago: Chicago Review Press. Kindle Edition., 2013. pp. 11-12.

 

I self-published my first book in 2014, then my self-confidence cratered

Part one in an ongoing series: Because you need to write more: Self-publishing and maintaining self-confidence.

 

Writing is hard. In many ways, it is the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do. Officially, I didn’t start writing until 2001. It was a form of self affirmation for me. I hard only been living openly as a gay man for a little over ten years, but I still did not feel that I was living my truth. The organisation named One In Ten held in conjunction with the LGBT film festival, a screenwriting competition.

 “One In Ten (OIT) is a non-profit, all-volunteer LGBT arts organization in Washington, D.C. Its largest program is Reel Affirmations, the third largest LGBT film festival (in terms of attendance) in the United States and the largest all-volunteer film festival in the world.” (Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation) Like 99% of writers I had been writing off and on since a very young age, so it intrigued me. My life partner and friends encouraged me to enter. I spent several weeks writing the script for “Only Child.”

 

I entered the competition, but my script wasn’t considered, but the experience lit a fire that at the time I thought would never go out. Afterward, I wanted to know why, so I went back and studied the script and decided it was because of my lack of knowledge of narrative construction. In 2005, I started taking many classes and reading as many books on writing as possible. It paid off. The more I learned, the more confident I became. I started writing short stories, and before I knew it, I had about fifty saved on my computer. However, I couln’t get that first script out of my head. So, I revisited it again, and I decided I had more to say. I reworked the script into a novel and expanded the story over three books. The new series title “Only Child Trilogy.” Not exactly original, but I figured it’s a good working title. I could change it later if need be. Using the script as an outline, from 2007to 2009 I worked on the novel version renamed “A Only Child.”

 

When I finished, I submitted to several small publishers and received no responses. Not even a “we aren’t interested.” I felt disappointed when small publishers did not respond, so I opted to enter the manuscript into competitions instead. Still no interest. Instead of moving forward with the series, I kept reworking the story. I told myself that I needed to get it right before I could start the next book in the series. Not doing so meant more work done the line. I had ideas for the second book and, but I couldn’t bring myself to get them into an outline. By the summer of 2012, I had reworked the story to the exclusion of everything else that I could have been writing at least thirty times. So, I gave up on the series. Looking back on it now, I realized this was when the fruit of my confidence started to wither on the vine.

 

I returned to my short stories. It had been the last time I had felt completely confident in my writing. I began work on my short story collection, “A Brief Moment In Time.” I had a lot to choose from that covered several genres. However, speculative fiction is my true love, so I pulled from that stack for the collection. I picked six stories and wrote three new ones to finish out the collection. Each story was seven to ten thousand words long, so they would be more than enough to combine into a novel.

 

It is hard to portray how much work that I put into this collection. I did everything from writing to book design my self: I even created the cover. I did so much because I decided early on that I would self publish. When I made that decision, I did not know that so much work would be involved. Honestly, I to this day don’t believe that I did enough. This was born out when as I was working on my MFA and we covered how to promote your book. As the term progressed, I learned so much about book promotion that I didn’t even consider during and after the release of ABMIT. Had I known, thing would have been different, I am sure, but hindsight is 20/20, right?

 

As it stood, I lost my confidence after the release of ABMIT in 2014, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I did what every novice, uninformed, self-published write does when they put their first self-published work up on sites like Amazon Kindle, Smashwords, Kobo, Barnes and Noble: they upload, sit back, and just wait for the accolades and money to flow in because they’ve written the next amazing novel and everyone knows it.

 

At first, it felt like I had some traction. I did promotions on Amazon, Smashwords, and Goodreads. I sent out a hundred ARC’s (advanced reading copies) and held competitions on Goodreads’s where twenty readers got free books. Everything looked and felt good for about two weeks. Then the lack luster reviews started. And the sales that weren’t good from the start stopped. For a year, I obsessed over what I did wrong. I ended up selling nine books. What I could have done differently? Why didn’t get the accolades that I deserved? At no time did I think maybe I wasn’t ready to make that leap in to self-publishing.

 

My self-published collection’s lack of sales and mediocre reviews killed my confidence, and it took me eight years to reenter the writing headspace.

 

[This is the end of part 1. Part 2 in the series will be available next week.]

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Hello World, I am T.W. Spencer. This is my new blog, and I have a lot to say. I am a writer, after all. Let's take a short walk down to the house at the end of the lane. That is where you'll find everything you want about me and my writings. On the "My Tidbits" page, you will find free short stories you can download. On the "News And Events" page, get up-to-date info on interviews and events where I will appear. For the low, low price of adding your email address to my mailing list, you can get my newsletter for free once a month in your mailbox. So, let's walk down the lane together and get to know each other.

T.W. Spencer is the award-winning author of the highly praised A Brief Moment in Time. T.W. Spencer is the award-winning author of the highly praised A Brief Moment in Time.

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T.W. Spencer is the award-winning author of the highly praised A Brief Moment in Time. A retired Mechanical Designer from The National Gallery of Art, in 2017, T.W. pursued a full-time writing career. Although T.W. has written since the third grade, writing didn’t become more of a profession than a hobby until 1990. Bitten with the writing bug, T.W. started writing daily and posting his stories online at fanstory.com and similar writing sites. T.W. Spencer has a BSAST in Technical Studies from Thomas Edison State College and an MFA in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

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